Assorted stories

Eternal Rivalry - Army and Navy

An old Sailor and an old Fleet Air Arm were sitting in the Duke of Buckingham arguing about who'd had the tougher career.

'I did 30 years in the Corps', the Fleet declared proudly, 'and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. 'As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. 'Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire-fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!'

'Ah', said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, 'lucky Tommy, all shore duty, huh?'

Husband Down

Eddie and his wife June are shopping in their local supermarket.  The husband picks up a case of Heineken and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks June. 
'They're on sale, only $15 for 24 cans Eddie replies. 
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry
on shopping.

A few aisles further on along June picks up a $30 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks Eddie. 
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Heineken and it's half the price.'

Eddie never knew what hit him.

The next thing he heard on the supermarket PA system was: 'Cleanup on aisle 19, we have a husband down.'