Funny dirty jokes

1) Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.

2) Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.  One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.


3) A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"  "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.  One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."  The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.  Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"  "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

4) Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

5) Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you don't multiply