The best marriage jokes

1) A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava. 
He told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. 
One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promptly shot him. 
The robber asked if anyone else had seen his face. 
One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse"

2) Wife: "What are you doing?" 
Husband : Nothing. 
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

3) A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.  During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.  
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world.  
I wish we could travel all over the world."  
The fairy waved her wand and POOF!  
She had the tickets in her hand.  
Next, it was the husband's turn.  
He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."  
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.

4) Maria, a devout Catholic, get married and had 10 children. 
After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. 
A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. 
At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." 
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" 
The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

5) One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. 
The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. 
“What are you doing, Mommy?” 
The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. 
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” 
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn't bother with that.” 
The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?” 
The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”