The best dirty jokes 2

1) Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? 
 Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"


2) A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbors an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

3) Boy in the bath with his mum. 
 Boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum ?" 
Mum replies, "That is my sponge." 
"Oh yes," says the boy, "The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it ."


4) The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. 
 So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." 
So they do this, and begin painting their room. 
Soon they hear a knock at the door. 
They ask, "Who is it?" 
"Blind man!" 
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." 
They let him in. 
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

5) Guy: Wanna suck my dick? 
Girl: No. 
Guy: Probably for the best. I mean, it has a label-Warning! Choking Hazard! Girl: Isn't that the warning put on tiny objects?