More Funny People Jokes

Six Items Madam?

Ranjit was in the express lane at his local Wal-Mart supermarket quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of him had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Can you imagine Ranjit's delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart, and asked her sweetly which six items she would like to buy?

Wouldn't it be great, thought Ranjit, Will and Guy, if that happened more often?

How To Get A Table In A Crowded Restaurant

The Harbour Lights Restaurant, Portsmouth, England, was extremely busy last Saturday evening and they had no free tables.

My elderly neighbours, Ronnie and Sylvie Hartson, were told there would be, at least, an 1 ½ hours wait to be seated.

'Young man,' explained Ronnie patiently, looking at Sylvie with a twinkle in his eye, 'we're both 93 years old and we may not have 45 minutes.'

The ma�tre d' seated Ronnie and Sylvie immediately!

Person with Funny Name Commits 50 Offences

Police in the Republic of Ireland, the Garda, have been chasing a mysterious and impossible to find Polish driver who has apparently committed more than 50 motoring offences.

Officers had been puzzled how the mysterious "Prawo Jazdy" had always produced his documents, but each time with a different address.

They have now discovered the embarrassing truth. Will and Guy's friend, Kinga Sadkowska, from Sopot, Poland, has told us that "Prawo Jazdy" is Polish for "driving licence" and is printed on all Polish licences.

We are delighted to be able to report this hilarious story.

Finally: 'Stop That Laughing.'

...(videoG2)

Gary Saunders, a motorist from Liverpool, England, was stopped by a traffic police officer and reprimanded for laughing at the wheel of his car. He was using a hands-free 'phone when he burst out laughing at a joke told him by his brother-in-law.

A few moments later he noticed a traffic officer flashing his lights at him and gesticulating at him to stop his Renault. When Mr Saunders got out of his car, the policeman castigated him, 'Laughing while driving a car can be an offence.'

'I couldn't believe it when he told me I'd been pulled over for laughing,' Mr Saunders is reported as saying, 'I was driving very safely in the Birkenhead Tunnel and took a call. He said something funny and I was laughing; simple as that. I never took my eyes off the road and was in full control of the car. I definitely wasn't speeding so I asked what the problem was and he told me I was laughing too much.'

Will and Guy also laughed at this story and we have discovered since that Mr Saunders has not been prosecuted - just told off.

A Different Slant on Funny Stories and Jokes About People

Funny Fainting Fit

Simon had fainted. When the paramedics arrived they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

'It was enough to make anybody faint,' he spluttered. 'My son, Rod, asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.'

Amusing Marriage Lines

A Good Read?
'Andy, for heaven's sake, why can't you just talk to me once in awhile?' whines his wife, Sonia.
'Huh?' Andy responds.

'Look around you,' Sonia yells as she points around the room. 'All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don't even know I'm alive!'

'Oh. I'm sorry,' mutters Andy.
'You know, sometimes I wish I were a book. Then you'd at least look at me,' explodes Sonia.
'Hmmm,' Andy mumbles deep in thought, ' then at least I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting.'