WALKS INTO A BAR

“What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor.

“I need you to pray for my hearing,” said Bubba.

The pastor put his hands on 
Bubba’s ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, “So how’s your hearing?”

“I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It isn’t until next Tuesday.”

Submitted by Kenneth Roberts, 
Mauston, Wisconsin

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. 
A stone’s throw away, in fact.

Stewart Francis

My husband was cramming all his chores into one day, but each 
job revealed another problem. For example, while touching up paint 
on a wall, he discovered gouges in the wood that needed to be filled in. Later, I found him sitting in the living room, staring off into space. Looking up, he announced, “Frustration is when my cope runneth over.”

Barbara Biderson, 
Huntington Beach, California

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars."

The bear replies, "If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there."

The bartender says, "Go ahead."

So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs."

"What do mean," asks the bear. "I'm not on drugs."

"Yes, you are, that was the bar bitch you ate."

        

A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. "A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman.

"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."