Funny & Jokes: Best dirty jokes.

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Jokes: Pastor vs Boko haram

FUNNY!!! FUNNY!!! Funny!!!

A pastor was invited to a church program in kaduna state, wen he got there.. Though, he wanted 2 preach about boko haram but he quickly put it indirectly[cos d fear of boko haram is the begining of wisdom] so he went dis way. The title of my topic 2day is U WILL NEVER GO DSAME WAY U CAME. He continued preaching nd at dsame time also taking time to suspect
any poly bag he sees.

Some minutes later as d preaching was goin on wat we had was [DUAAAAAH] frm outside, in a bling of an eye, everybody vanished including d pastor dat ran trough d window.
.
.
.
Some minutes later after d whole members has garthered, den d pastor was no were 2 b found, dey quickly call him on phone.

Member : Helo pastor were r u?
Pastor : Am in ORE.
Member : [surpringly] ah ahhhhh pastooor. Pls come back its nt a bomb it a motor tyre dat bost outside.
Pastor : i knw dats y am in ORE if it was a bomb i would av been it ASABA.
Member : bt pastor u left through d window, nd any1 wu pass through d window is a theif..
Pastor : Wat was my topic 2day?
Member... U WILL NEVER GO DSAME WAY U CAME.
Pastos : So i came through d door nd i left through d window..

A word 4 d pastor pls..??

Joke - Boy or Girl

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Funny jokes

DAILY JOKES

When asked how to stay alive 100 years from Golu the Pinchoo

Centennial Golu - man any other way, please tell me so I live for 100 years? Pinchoo - very simple. Eat three times a day and take three or four marriages. Golu - will live to 100 years that make me? Pinchoo - No, but it will show you soon 100 years old! -------------------- Cheat Hostel Student (friend) - Man has cheated on me ... friends - why, what happened? Student - man of the house had invited family members to pay for the books were sent in books. .................................... Warning wife husband explained this look - the girl your friend is married to the girl he is not good. Why do not you convince him? Husband - I do why refuse? He had told me what? .......................... Bet his wife a diamond necklace gifted businessman and again 6 months after wife spoke to him no. Why? The necklace was fake? No, actually has lost a businessman who was on the same condition!

Funny Stories

The Bald Man and the Fly

On a hot summer day, a Bald Man was sitting in his sweet shop. A lot of flies were buzzing around the tasty, tempting sweets to sit on them. The Man thought to himself, ‘I must not let any fly sit on the sweets or my sweets will get spoilt and then who would buy […]

The Silly Mother

Once upon a time there lived a girl called Maya . One day when she came home from school she went straight to her mother and said ” Mummy , today my teacher punished me for something I didn’t do . The mother was very angry and went straight to her teacher and scolded her […]

The Brahmin and the Crooks

In a village, there lived a poor Brahmin priest.He was pious, dutiful and very superstitious. One day, the Brahmin left for a neighbouring Village to collect a gift that he had been promised from a rich landlord. Finishing his job in the neighbouring village, he was on his way back carrying his gift-a fat and […]

Angus the Tartan Goat

Once, there lived a goat named Angus. He stayed with his owners, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas. They pampered Angus like a baby. However, Angus loved chewing woollen clothes and his master and mistress scolded him for doing so. One morning, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas had to go to the market. Before leaving, they put Mr. […]

The Dirty Pig

One fine day, a dirty pig was soaking himself in a pool. A thirsty lion came to drink water, but unable to bear the heavy stench went away. The foolish pig thought that the lion cowed down seeing him and excitedly challenged him to a duel. “Maybe tomorrow,” replied the lion and turned away from […]

Work, Work, Work

A. man was going through a forest. He was tired and sat under a tree to rest. Near the tree were some bushes. In the bushes he heard a whistle. The man got up and went to look. He saw a bottle lying under a bush. The whistle was coming from inside the bottle. The […]

Ramu and the Mangoes

A rich man lived in a small town in Tamil Nadu. One day he brought home two large and juicy mangoes. He gave them to his servent and said, “ Here Ramu, take these to the kitchen and cut them. Make two cup of coffee too. A friend of mine will be coming soon. Make […]

Two and Three

In a small village in Himachal (A state in northern hilly region in India.) lived an old man and his wife. Both were over seventy and both loved one another. Only five other families lived in this tiny village. One cold winter evening the old man and his wife were sitting inside their hut. Outside […]

The Man with the Coconuts

One day a man who had been to gather his coconuts loaded his horse heavily with the fruit. On the way home he met a boy whom he asked how long it would take to reach the house. “If you go slowly,” said the boy, looking at the load on the horse, “you will arrive […]

Fishermen story…..

Two men went fishing. One was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn’t. Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back. The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally […]

Funny times

That moment when you are seeking attention

I think they were all making fun of him. He was flipping them all off. Then when the girls started dancing on his desk, he said fuck this shit.

funny cat

As a form of literature, writing stories has existed funny dog stories for hundreds of years. Fairy tales and fables of Aesop are known for centuries and are still read today. Stories and anecdotes were born in the oral environment and gradually spread around the world in written form. However, it was only in the 19th century that shaped the new writing was recognized as a distinct genre funny short stories of writing.

While the novels were popular funny dog stories at the time,funny short stories some authors have understood that the novel format can not be used for short stories, which had a simple but coherent plot, fewer characters and no subplots funny love stories.

Although the number of words is by definition limited to 7000-9000 words,funny dog stories a short story also differs from a novel or novel in that there is a simple plot, flowing through history and very tight and tense narrative technique avoiding details unnecessary funny short stories.

The format remains true to the structural rules of traditional theater funny short stories . It is believed that the structure to be the following: the introduction (the characters, the setting and the scene), a central conflict funny dog stories, rising action (conflict and other secondary funny short stories barriers to create tension in the journey the protagonist towards your goal) The crisis (the moment of truth), the highest point (a final confrontation involving the protagonist and antagonist) funny short stories, and resolution.

These days,funny short stories the number of words defined the kind of writing most of the structure. The challenge of writing history became aware writers shorter word count funny love stories. This resulted in a genre known as Flash or Micro Fiction, which is a very brief history funny dog stories .

It contains various sub genres such as 55-fiction (55 words) Dribble (100 words) and 69ER (69 words) funny short stories, which is based solely on the number of words. These stories are a form of short story, but usually not considered typical. A variety of writing styles and narrative structures were invented stories. funny short stories A recent example is Jonathan Nolan's "Memento Maori" in which history has progressed on two parallel times funny love stories. While the former contains a first-person narration of the protagonist, the other is an account of the third person said after his escape.

Tale writing contains a broad spectrum. It is for each storyteller to choose their own form, genre and style. By sampling the different possibilities funny short stories, short screenwriters will be better prepared to make an informed decision .

Funny Family Friendly Jokes

Family Jokes

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/family-jokes

THE LAUGH FACTORY COMEDY NETWORK

Popular Jokes

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes

Funny short stories * Funny Business Jokes*

The short story writing is an art that is very similar to writing funny news headlines funny dog stories. Dint you think? "For sale: baby shoes, never worn funny short stories." This story, written by Ernest Hemingway is regarded as the world's shortest story. Although the subject of this story is a tragedy,funny short stories it's very similar to the headlines we see in the newspapers every day. An example: "A gunman welcomes the kindness of strangers."

As a form of literature, writing stories has existed funny dog stories for hundreds of years. Fairy tales and fables of Aesop are known for centuries and are still read today. Stories and anecdotes were born in the oral environment and gradually spread around the world in written form. However, it was only in the 19th century that shaped the new writing was recognized as a distinct genre funny short stories of writing.

While the novels were popular funny dog stories at the time,funny short stories some authors have understood that the novel format can not be used for short stories, which had a simple but coherent plot, fewer characters and no subplots funny love stories.

Although the number of words is by definition limited to 7000-9000 words,funny dog stories a short story also differs from a novel or novel in that there is a simple plot, flowing through history and very tight and tense narrative technique avoiding details unnecessary funny short stories.

The format remains true to the structural rules of traditional theater funny short stories . It is believed that the structure to be the following: the introduction (the characters, the setting and the scene), a central conflict funny dog stories, rising action (conflict and other secondary funny short stories barriers to create tension in the journey the protagonist towards your goal) The crisis (the moment of truth), the highest point (a final confrontation involving the protagonist and antagonist) funny short stories, and resolution.

These days,funny short stories the number of words defined the kind of writing most of the structure. The challenge of writing history became aware writers shorter word count funny love stories. This resulted in a genre known as Flash or Micro Fiction, which is a very brief history funny dog stories .

It contains various sub genres such as 55-fiction (55 words) Dribble (100 words) and 69ER (69 words) funny short stories, which is based solely on the number of words. These stories are a form of short story, but usually not considered typical. A variety of writing styles and narrative structures were invented stories. funny short stories A recent example is Jonathan Nolan's "Memento Maori" in which history has progressed on two parallel times funny love stories. While the former contains a first-person narration of the protagonist, the other is an account of the third person said after his escape.

Tale writing contains a broad spectrum. It is for each storyteller to choose their own form, genre and style. By sampling the different possibilities funny short stories, short screenwriters will be better prepared to make an informed decision .