Funny & Jokes: Funny Stories

Showing posts with label Funny Stories. Show all posts

Some Hilarious, Short and Jocular Stories

Desperate Bridegroom Needed Money For Wedding

A desperate bridegroom faces jail, not a reception and honeymoon, as his reward for staging four bank robberies after his fiancée's plans for a huge white wedding got out of hand. His "bride to be" demanded a reception with 500 guests, a Chanel wedding gown, a new car for the drive to the service and a Caribbean honeymoon.

The poor man was unable to provide the money for these jollities so he stole some £300,000 [$ 4,228,210 USD] in bank robberies throughout Austria before he was caught when an off duty policeman grabbed him as he fled from a bank in Vienna.

'The wedding was costing a lot of money and I realised I would never be able to pay for it,' he told the court. 'The money from the first robbery went in a day so I just kept going.'

Help Police - Find Me A Husband!

Eventually and unsurprisingly two police officers finally visited her home in Berlin, Germany and confiscated the battery from her mobile phone.Divorcee, Angela Stahl, aged 44, a desperate housewife, has been reported for wasting police time in Germany after dialling 999 more than one hundred times in the hope of finding a new husband. We have learned that she plagued the emergency line with endless calls claiming she couldn't afford dating agencies.

There is nothing so funny as real life say Will and Guy.

TV Licence Demand Sent To 16th Century Mathematician

A German mathematician who died 450 years ago has been sent a letter demanding that he pay for a TV licence. Algebra expert, Adam Ries, who bought the property in 1525 was sent the bill in Germany.

'We received a letter saying "To Mr Adam Ries" on it, with the request to pay his television and radio fees,' said Annegret Muench, who now heads a club honouring the mathematician, which uses the house as its HQ. Miss Muench returned the letter to the GEZ with a note explaining the request had come too late, as Ries had died in 1559, but she still received a reminder a few weeks later.

This was not the first time the GEZ had sent a bill to those in the afterlife. Last year, a school named after the poet Friedrich Schiller, who died in 1805, received a reminder asking him to declare all radios and televisions in his home and pay the corresponding fees.

Will and Guy say, 'Don't you just love these stories?'

Picking Lemons Is Easy

Sally Winters wanted to earn some money so she applied for a post in a Florida lemon grove which seemed eminently suitable but Sally was concerned that she might be over qualified for the job.

'Look Miss Winters,' said Archie, the foreman, seriously 'have you any actual experience in picking lemons?' 'Well, as a matter of fact, yes,' came Sally's reply and she added confidently, 'I've been divorced three times.'

Funny short stories : CHECKOUT LADY

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is she?
MAN: She's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.
The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper .

Who is clever? Teacher or student?

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didn't Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as Dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and Said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return The tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way Back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked Him and said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in Separate classrooms for the test.

They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your ****........................( 2 MARKS )

Q.2. Which tire burst?...............( 98 MARKS )

A) Front Left

B) Front Right

C) Back Left

D) Back Right ........!!!.

True story

http://vb.3dlat.net/showthread.php?t=157184

Funny short stories * Funny Business Jokes*

The short story writing is an art that is very similar to writing funny news headlines funny dog stories. Dint you think? "For sale: baby shoes, never worn funny short stories." This story, written by Ernest Hemingway is regarded as the world's shortest story. Although the subject of this story is a tragedy,funny short stories it's very similar to the headlines we see in the newspapers every day. An example: "A gunman welcomes the kindness of strangers."

As a form of literature, writing stories has existed funny dog stories for hundreds of years. Fairy tales and fables of Aesop are known for centuries and are still read today. Stories and anecdotes were born in the oral environment and gradually spread around the world in written form. However, it was only in the 19th century that shaped the new writing was recognized as a distinct genre funny short stories of writing.

While the novels were popular funny dog stories at the time,funny short stories some authors have understood that the novel format can not be used for short stories, which had a simple but coherent plot, fewer characters and no subplots funny love stories.

Although the number of words is by definition limited to 7000-9000 words,funny dog stories a short story also differs from a novel or novel in that there is a simple plot, flowing through history and very tight and tense narrative technique avoiding details unnecessary funny short stories.

The format remains true to the structural rules of traditional theater funny short stories . It is believed that the structure to be the following: the introduction (the characters, the setting and the scene), a central conflict funny dog stories, rising action (conflict and other secondary funny short stories barriers to create tension in the journey the protagonist towards your goal) The crisis (the moment of truth), the highest point (a final confrontation involving the protagonist and antagonist) funny short stories, and resolution.

These days,funny short stories the number of words defined the kind of writing most of the structure. The challenge of writing history became aware writers shorter word count funny love stories. This resulted in a genre known as Flash or Micro Fiction, which is a very brief history funny dog stories .

It contains various sub genres such as 55-fiction (55 words) Dribble (100 words) and 69ER (69 words) funny short stories, which is based solely on the number of words. These stories are a form of short story, but usually not considered typical. A variety of writing styles and narrative structures were invented stories. funny short stories A recent example is Jonathan Nolan's "Memento Maori" in which history has progressed on two parallel times funny love stories. While the former contains a first-person narration of the protagonist, the other is an account of the third person said after his escape.

Tale writing contains a broad spectrum. It is for each storyteller to choose their own form, genre and style. By sampling the different possibilities funny short stories, short screenwriters will be better prepared to make an informed decision .

Funny short stories : Horse

Dirty Jokes

Dirty Short Bar Jokes

Hand job
Three boys go to a mountain hut, and there is not enough space, so you have to share a bed in the middle of the night, the boy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a job in hand! " The boy left awake and surprisingly had. the same dream, too Then the boy wakes up in the middle and said, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Flaslight

A man and a woman started having sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight" The woman said. "I also ate grass for the last ten minutes"

Sexual fatigue

A teacher was coming to class and started talking about the final exam tomorrow. He said there would be no excuse not to come tomorrow, unless a medical condition say or death of a member of the immediate family. Smart, ass male student said. "What about the extreme sexual exhaustion", and the whole class laughed After the laughter had disappeared, the professor looked at student and said, "is not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
Blowjob for cash

A husband comes home to find his wife with her bags packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" He said. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $ 400 for a blow job there, and I thought I might as well make money for this do for you free." The husband thought for a moment, up the stairs and back down with his suitcase packed so. "Where are you going?" The woman asks. "I come with you ... I want to see how you survive $ 800 a year !!!"

Police

A police officer patrolling the road when he sees a man tied to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the boy. "What is going on here?" He asks. The boy sobbed, "I drove and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, I stole, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me." The policeman looked at the boy for a while, then dropped his pants and pulled out his cock. "I guess it's not your lucky day, friend!"

Old Couple

An old man and an old woman getting ready for bed one night when suddenly the woman breaks out of the bathroom, opened her dress and screaming "Super Pussy" The old man said: "I'll have the soup."

funny short stories : funny dog stories

funny dog stories

Funny short stories : Two funny statues

funny short stories -- fucking life

Funny Short Stories :Funny kids

Experience at the airport:

After his return from Rome, Will could not find your luggage at the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that their bags had not appeared on the carousel.
She smiled and said not to worry because they have been trained and professional was in good hands.
Will then asked, "Do you have your ticket?"

Clever Kids:

A police officer found a perfect haven to speed motorists.

One day, the officer was surprised when everyone was under the speed limit, so we checked and found the problem.

At 10, stood on the side of the road with a sign made by an enormous hand that read "Radar Trap Ahead".

A little more research work led the boy accomplice officer, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign saying "guidance" and a bucket full of change to his feet.

Funny Short Stories -The boy and his mother

The boy and his mother:

A curious boy asked his mother, "Mom, why some of his graying hair?"

The mother tried to take this opportunity to teach your child: "Thanks to you, dear Every bad action in your turn one of my gray hair."

The boy replied innocently, "Now I know why the grandmother has gray hairs on your head."

Wrong e-mail address:

A couple on vacation but his wife was on a business trip, so it was his destiny and his wife would first meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when writing your speech, I misspelled a letter and your letter to the wife of an elderly preacher whose husband had died the day before was performed instead.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she looked at the screen, let out a scream and fell to the floor fainted.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dear Woman,
Just checked. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

PS Sure is hot here.